Friday, June 11, 2010

Sexy Boutique!?

So I'm researching lingerie today. Not a euphemism!

Who wouldn't to buy a titty holster, or frilly panties from a classy gent like me?!

Is pretending to be gay in an interview a bad thing? cougars lingerie shop?

WHO BUYS PANTIES AT VALUE VILLAGE?! cuz they're sellin'em!

~used once. small red stain~

From Woo to Ew!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Dork Side of the Moon.

I feel sorry for Mexicans. They always look so sad.

What are you known for holograph man?! Sliced bread!

I'm still sorry bread.

I have a best man. We\ll see if he really is... *squint*

BOD. Bong of Destiny. Book of Death. Badger of Destruction. Balls of Disaster. Beer of Drunk.

What WOULDN'T you do for a Klondike Bar? Anything, they fuckin' suck.

I have eaten while shitting, and drank while pissing, I still dont know what to do while wanking.

Octopus Vs. Buffalo. deathmatch.

     Is calling a sexy mexican a "sexican" offensive?

Did you know that...

Sarah enjoys the finger of authority!

Breakfast foods DONT make for good scrotal baggage.

and the letter W makes much more sense in French.

.lla si tahT


I have pancake balls.

My stomach is telling me to write.

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Life as an actor would be fucking great. Pretending to be anyone Im not at the moment would be a refreshing change. That and the paycheck.

Coercion is one of the coolest words ever.

WOW! Meatballs!

If Chef Ramsay were a woman PMSing the world would end. Horribly.

Can you fit twice as many midgets in a phonebooth as normal sized people?

People need to learn the difference between stupidity and ignorance.

Chimps are cannibals, and thats fucked.

All pajamas should have booties on them. Shoes attached to your fucking pants people. argue that.

A law should be passed that allows anyone to slap a bitch once, when they get unruly. And I truly mean a BITCH. Male or female, whining, complaining, short tempered, annoying, BITCH.

The world would be such a better place.

Thats why I'm here. World betterment.

My brain is telling me I'm hungry.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


 Its more than just a 6 letter word; its a 7 letter word.

Furries have deep pockets.

Neglecting my tasks makes me feel both simultaneously good and horrible. I dont understand this.

I believe 100% that a human being has already been cloned.

If i ran backwards with a camera for an entire day and then played it in reverse, I would be traveling forward backward through time. And thats a good thing.

Martha Stewart is  GIGANTIC CUNT. Capital letters make the truth more truthy.

Stephen Colbert is more god than you.

Balloons come in a variety of colours. As do jelly beans. As does fungus.

I have an ongoing struggle with fungus. It is not symbiotic.

I want a panoramic shot of the underside of a... I cant think of anything to end this sentence.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Im leaving this open for things to fly in. It makes sense to me.

Sometimes I think that cats have a secret agenda. Nothing too diabolical. But something. Oh yes, they're planning something.

Long ago in  a distant land, I Aku shape shifting master of darkness.....

The word bitchin, isn't very.

Being colourblind, even partially, sucks. I dont know what colours actually look like. Sadcowface.

Sometimes I'm still afraid of the monster that isnt under my bed.                            

One day Ill be more famous than jesus. or any other famous jew.

I want more than manything (not anything, just many) to see a planecrash. Just to see one fall out of the air and fireball on the ground. No one need be injured... just boom. Gravity wins bitch.

Were I birthed earlier I would have created slice bread, making ME the greatest thing since.

Faguruphelia is the severe lust for tribal drumming. Faguruphobics dont like Jumanji.

Robin Williams is a hairymouthfucker. that was supposed to say mother. I didnt change it.

I like this because it feels like poetry.

I wrote this post because I had something funny to say. I have since forgotten. Iblamebong.

I nodded at the end of the last post. Sarah was amused by this.

Sarah is my

Animation is the bringing of life to an inanimate artwork. Murder is the artwork of removing life from the animate. Im an animator.

I snort at my own jokes.

So yesterday I watched the new Alice. Alice is hot. Flutterwhacken was the gayest shite ever. I dont use the word shite lightly.

Light switch goes off. I still have to poop.


Did you know that any and every form of beam can be reflected back to earth with 100x the force by any satellite in our atmosphere? 


Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves, Pirates, Wizards, Munchkins, should all go fuck themselves.

Tomorrow tastes like kraft dinner. Two boxes; not one.

If i run out of clever things to say, I'll continue on anyway. I figure its kind of like when you laugh twice at a joke, but then the third through seventh times arent funny, but then the eighth time is. 

Knock Knock jokes would actually be funny if administered on strangers doorsteps.

I like the previous thought quite a lot.

Everyone enjoys a good poop, don't even consider saying otherwise.

Liars never prosper, but prosperity is for pussies. That word spelled really does look like puss-ies. Gross.

Buffaloes are making a comeback.

Baseball is less boring than I thought it was previously. Golf isn't.

Im out. and I have to poop. POOP <3

Why stop now?

Thinking of meaningful things to say is next to impossible for me. Thus the things I say have come to have little or no meaning.

I like secrets. They sound like breathmints smell. Minty and refreshing, and with just a hint of morningshitbreath .

Don't eat cheese before bed. I almost wrote bread. That would have been a horrible lie. Im sorry bread.

I dont know what blogs are for.

My blog is better than everyone elses.

On that note.

The alphabet is prison for letters. When we sing it, their bonds grow tighter. TODDLERS ARE LETTER MASOCHISTS. MLNOP

Tomorrow Im going to do something useful with my life. little do I know now that its going to be to invent a time machine to prevent myself from doing anything useful the day before.

Bologna is spelled funny.

Anger is a buffalo's only defence. Depression never bodes well for the buffalo. But they are rather hairy.

I received a haircut today from the sister of my wife to be. There is nothing funny about this sentence.

An apple is born with its babies inside of it. What a fruit.

Arrows can point in every way, yet can never follow their own directions. Arrows must not be painted on moving objects in order for this to hold true. fuck.

Now Im done. until I decide im not. fuck capital letters.

Today is yesterdays annoying little brother who wanted his turn.

Funny I should mention that, I AM the little brother to my sisters siblingness.

I feel like allowing my brain to shit out what few eccentricities and oddities I have managed to build up over the past few years. So here I go:

I would love to see a castle hang upside down from a column of dark clouds. Suspended above a city of terrified vagrants.

Hair is essential in attracting a mate.

Jello is highly over rated, although that is not to say it is also under rated.

Coherent thought is for the masstards of the nonmedia. Thus gibberish has been birthed by the nontards of the massmedia. Massmedia is one word now. Getoverit.

Mass media is something only pretentious people or people who want to sound pretentious say.

Pretentious people only call other people pretentious.

I'm better than you. movingON.

Cats are fantastic when you're high, homework is not.

I once wanked to a Sears catalog. I want to spell that word catalogue.

I dont think Ill ever run out of shit to say.

The END.